i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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