if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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