If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
