I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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