he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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