Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
