I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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