You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
