Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
