Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
