but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
