That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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