What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
