I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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