you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
