I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
