Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Shame - the story of my life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize