I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
