She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
