I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
