if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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