did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize