The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
