oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
nutella sex= disaster
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
