Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
