I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I checked into jail on foursquare
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
