i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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