I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
not ubering you a puppy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
