saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
