Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
