I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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