you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize