Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
