I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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