I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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