i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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