so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
