oh god the rape fog is back!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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