so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
