Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
