Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
