Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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