Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize