omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize