real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
