I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize