I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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