she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
