Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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