my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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