I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
