I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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