we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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