I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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