There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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