Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize