never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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