You're my little dorito
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he was CRYING into my vagina
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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