Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
