Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
