it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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