I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
