you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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