Banned from zoo.
Again?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
