that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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