I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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